What the actual f*ck was I thinking: the exact thought that crossed my mind every 5 minutes on the flight from Toronto to Lisbon last September. After many failed attempts, I cannot pinpoint the exact moment I decided to solo-hike the Camino Trail. Looking back, I often wonder when it all began. How did I go from the girl that had it all figured out to a person I could no longer recognize? When did I become so obsessed with backpacking and brave enough to do it all on my own? Perhaps many beginnings slowly emerged in secret… masked by the mundane happenings of post-grad life. Maybe I was too focused on getting a “respectable” job, one that I did not truly want. Deep down I knew I wanted a different life, and the time finally came when I decided to stop ignoring what my intuition was telling me all along. Regardless of when this all started, what really mattered is that it did. Change was on the horizon and although it has been an uncomfortable journey, I would not have it any other way. As I sit here one year later, reflecting on what it was like to walk across Portugal and Spain, I am confident that this was one of those big moments. The one’s you look back on and say, “it was that decision that changed my entire life.”
As a side note, I apologize for starting off this post with such vulgar language. I hope I did not lose you already. I have gone my entire life without cursing or swearing on the internet, trying to be perfect and polite, never offensive. However, I think it is necessary that you know what you’re getting yourself into. This blog, unlike past versions of myself, is not filtered or curated to make you comfortable or trick you into thinking I’m someone I am not. In fact, I hope to do the exact opposite. Turns out living your life in a way that prioritizes another person’s experience over your own is not living at all. In my opinion that is merely surviving. It took me a while to figure that out. As someone who has spent their whole life feeling lost and confused, I choose to write in hopes of helping people understand that you never need to justify what you love, change who you are, or settle for anything less than extraordinary.
But anyways, back to my story…
When the Air Canada confirmation email for my last-minute ticket to Portugal found its way into my inbox, the idea became reality and there was no turning back. The option to change my mind disappeared into thin air along with my sanity and a rather large sum of my savings.
The plane took off just after 11pm EST, and for 7 hours straight, the unsettling fear of the unknown kept me wide awake. That, and the irritating child behind me who found great enjoyment in persistently kicking my seat. With the help of a calculator, or simply your brain if your mental math abilities exceed my own, you can determine that throughout that 7 hour flight, I questioned my decision and overall mental stability approximately 84 times. Not a great start if I do say so myself.
Due to my poor quantitative abilities I just alluded to above, you may be surprised to learn that I have a commerce degree from one of the top business schools in Canada. After four years studying business, I had finally accomplished everything I wanted, or so I thought. Watching my friends sign full-time contracts at some of the most prestigious companies in the world was wonderful, but there was just one problem. As much as I wanted to be, I was not inspired. I looked around and there was not a single person whose life I wanted. I took the “smart”, “responsible”, and “realistic” route, but in spite of doing everything I thought would make me happy, I felt like I was being dragged down a path those around me were sprinting towards.
To solve my melodramatic quarter-life crisis (or at least attempt to), I stuffed a 45L backpack to the brim, slipped on some hiking boots, and booked a one-way ticket to Portugal. For 26 days and 650 kilometres, I cried many tears, made countless friends, and realized one very important thing – I want to be a writer. And so, that is exactly what I am going to do. If there is anything I have learned since setting out on the Camino de Santiago, it would be the simple fact that life is too short to do anything other than what brings you the greatest amount of joy and happiness.
If you have made it this far, thank you. I promise to shortly satisfy your curiosity surrounding the outcome that followed my decision to get on that flight and take the road less travelled. After all, nothing screams adventure like a one-way ticket.
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