At the end of the summer, before I moved to Portugal, my best friends surprised me with an evening of treats, gifts, and so much love. Regardless of living in different cities around the GTA, they set aside time for us all to be together and properly say goodbye. During that final night in Canada, my sweet friend, Willow, gifted me a jar full of journal prompts. Considering this blog is titled “Dani’s Diaries”, I would say she knows me well. Today I reached for the jar and blindly selected the following: “What do you think makes a good friend? Do you have any close friends who embody these qualities in their personality or behaviour? In what ways?”
Friendship has been something I have struggled with my entire life. I have lost friends because of boys, postal codes, religious beliefs, lifestyle preferences, value differences, meaningless arguments, and the inevitable matter of becoming adults who no longer have anything in common. The list probably goes on but you get the point. On the other hand, I have met some of my favourite people in moments I least expected. Life works in funny ways and I will never get over the timing of it all – to be in the right place at the right time, to go from strangers to best friends.
My definition of what makes someone a good friend continues to evolve. Currently, in my early 20s, a period of constant unpredictability and prodigious change, I also continue to evolve. Before I share, I would encourage you to pause for a minute or two before you continue reading. Maybe even try to create your own definition.
Last night, Willow texted the group chat made up of our university housemates. I met Willow at Queen’s University in Kingston, Ontario. I studied Commerce, she studied Kinesiology. I had the pleasure of living with her and 4 other wonderful women in my fourth and final year at Queen’s. I clicked on the text notification and my day instantly got a little better. It was my favourite kind of message to receive. The long-awaited pictures on Willow’s film camera full of memories from the summer months were finally developed. I spent the next 10 minutes reliving our Canadian summer consisting of outdoor concerts, drinks downtown Toronto, cottage weekends, and goodbye hugs.
Despite my impatient personality, I will admit that having to wait to get the photos back adds to the fun. It is hard to talk or think about film without mentioning the sweet sense of nostalgia it brings us – an escape from the present, a trip back in time to those special moments we want so desperately to hold on to forever. So, in turn, we hand over our cameras to nearby strangers in hopes of capturing the magic, praying they won’t f it up by placing their finger over the lens.
Film is one of my favourite hobbies, and in my opinion, a good friend is a lot like film. The images are authentic and honest, beautiful and unique, unashamed of their imperfections. They don’t feel the need to change who they are to fit in with the others. When it comes to film photography, there are no second takes. You can’t hide or fix or change the reality of that moment. Limited to 36 pictures on a roll of 35mm film, people can’t take 50 photos and delete all but the one they look best in. You are not given the opportunity to see how the photo turned out so you have to accept it for what it is. The images are full of depth which make them hard to recreate. They have a story to tell and leave a lasting impression on the world. I love film. I love how my friends embody my favourite things about film.
The answer to this journal prompt will vary from person to person, but I think that is what makes finding true friends so special; it is not an easy task or something to take for granted. Something that remains constant in my life is the set of standards for the company I choose to keep. The classic phrase, “Your expectations are too high”, is one that I know all too well. But guess what… I am allowed to be picky. YOU are allowed to be picky. Don’t let people tell you otherwise. And dare I remind you there are 7 billion human beings out there! Some will not appreciate the qualities you embody, whereas others will spend their whole lives searching for them. Having a solid understanding of your values surrounding friendship will only make it easier to find your people, and in turn, help you grow into the person you are meant to become.
Genuine people are hard to come by. I would say that my current circle of friends is an exception to that unfortunate truth. In a world that has turned into an infuriating highlight reel, often riddled with judgement and comparison, I look to my friends and think about how lucky I am to have them in my life. They accept me for me, fully knowing that I am far from perfect. They are real and honest and kind.
We grow up, move away, and eventually realize that friendship exists outside of our hometown. Even if it doesn’t feel like it at 15 years old, spending the weekend alone is better than pretending to be someone you’re not in a room full of people who don’t care about you. Take it from someone who learned the hard way, but one of the worst things you can do is lose yourself in the process of trying to be liked by someone else.
So please, whatever you do, stay true to yourself. Don’t choose friends based on location or out of convenience. Don’t let other people make you feel small. Do something that they aren’t – challenge your way of thinking and expand your perspective on life. Grab your camera (film or not), get out into the world, and find the people that make you excited to be alive; the way a good friend should make you feel.
There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and tell my younger self but I will conclude with just this one. To the little girl who hid in the bathroom at recess and feared walking into the cafeteria alone, we now have great friends in all corners of the world to have lunch with.
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To anyone I have ever had the pleasure of calling a friend, thank you for everything xo.
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